my ex talks to me about his new girlfriend

Her: Nice talking to you. Inevitably, you and your ex will both date other people at some point and in theory, their new dating life wont be a concern of yours. How come the conversation didnt end with a date for you to hand the things back? Dont compare yourself to others and their relationships. It has a lot to do with personalities. Looking at my own data, assuming you had a serious relationship with your ex-girlfriend that lasted 5 years or less, you can expect her to reach out occasionally for double the amount of time you guys dated. Now go find yourself someone awesome who actually deserves you! Good bye.. Not marry him!!! She even told me that when shes tried to talk to him about how the whole baby situation makes her uncomfortable, he tells her to go fuck yourself., I am beyond disgusted in my roommate, so I told her I could no longer talk about her relationship with her and referred her to her therapist (whom she loves), but I cannot and will not live with such an abusive and disrespectful man in my house. Your ex is emotionally unavailable. Some of them wont be worth wasting your time on, but others are more open to broadening their horizons. What others project on me, I think, is a traditional partner who will be all things to me. Well, unfortunately, most men are not logical. My ex (we were together for almost 3yrs before i walked out on him long story not worth posting) and his uncle moved in last year down the street from me. 1. All sorts of questions run through your head "Is he trying to get back with me?" "Is he trying to rub the fact that he has a girlfriend in?" Im straight, but that doesnt mean I have anything fundamentally against women. So, no one is racist by their own definition, but they might be racist by another persons definition of the word. An ex of mine would say crazy things at times, to get my reaction. Like AnitaBath said, you cant help what youre attracted to. Wow. How do you get to the level of FIGHTING about something like that? Your ex boyfriend appears to be happy with his new girlfriend yet he still ends up contacting you behind the scenes. Even if he is happy with her, he knows enough that hearing all bout it will bother you. He then tells his daughters mother (who I am friends with) and his mother (Im also friends with her) that he is better off without me, that I was evil, that I was abusing him (he tried to kill me on a few occasions), and that he won custody of our son but I kidnapped him and he just didnt want our son to be embarassed by having a mother in jail. 13) You know she wants him back. Unfortunately its not something everyone is ashamed of. Hunny run he is an asshole and doesnt deserve you. Sad in Miami. It does not demand its own way. My first thought was is this girlfriend real or just a figment of his really screwed up head? Anyway, from that day on we started getting closer and closer. They might explain that they are in touch with both of you, or that they truly care about you and dont want to get in the middle or hear negative claims. So I told him we cant be alone with each other for a while we cant touch each other or kiss. If I were to do that, should I give her advanced notice or should I just hand her the bill? Instead, hes telling it to you in a, Take that. More than a decade ago, I met a scared 15-year-old who was trying to recover her life after having been kidnapped by a pimp and sold for . Obviously, that doesn't mean he's going to cave in and give her what she wants. If he was so into a new person/relationship he wouldnt feel the need to flaunt it. The viral video, originally published by diving instructor Wang Cheng-Ru in June, shows the group coming upon the . So the logical thing for a guy to do is break up with someone, right? Drop his shit in the mail, delete him from your phone, and move on. Its all about money and sex. Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano. *controling and manipulative. 8 Strategies to Work Through Anger and Resentment, Aggression Between Dogs in the Same Household, 18 Signs That You're Dealing with a Passive-Aggressive Person, Prince Harry's Disappointments, Annoyances, and Hatreds, What "Barbie" Gets Right About Male Psychology, Live Fully in the Present, Not in Your Head, Living With Your Gifted Childs Intensity, 4 Ways Gaslighters Attempt to Ruin Your Self-Esteem, 9 Keys to Handling Hostile and Confrontational People, States of Anger and Their Impact on Humans, Smiling to Death: The Hidden Dangers of Being Nice. Finally, as was the case with Lea, sometimes an ex has an even wider reach and says bad things to the public. A bombardment of questions start to flood your thoughts, as you try to logically figure out what intentions your ex could possibly have in contacting you, when he already has a new girlfriend. I mean, lets be serious. "But his combination of size, throwing ability . You can still have things in common that lead you to be either directly or indirectly still in contact. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. 1. Im not sexually attracted to guys from other races (Asian, African-American, Latino, guys from India). If he talks about the girlfriend or anything else, say something like, Thank you for sharing, or Okayyour things are right here/you can pick up your things at (date & time). Make sure the person(s) with you follow the same game plan. He hardly ever let me spend the night (he couldnt stay at my place due to pet allergies) and hes already moved in with this girl! He hates me because Im headstrong, blunt and I dont take crap from anyone the exact opposite of my roommate. Bottom line, though, LW, I think you need to MOA and dont let it get under your skin. He went as far as to threaten to kill my co-workers kids because they were 1/4 Alaska Native. Be happy for me! sort of way. If engaging with this person will be detrimental to your emotional health, you are absolutely not obligated to respond to them. Why Does My Ex Keep Texting Me When He Has A Girlfriend: There could be many reasons why your ex is still reaching out to you, even though he's in a new relationship. She's operating out of fear and anxiety and most likely wants you to stop talking to your ex. Be jealous! So if it really is getting to you mail him his stuff via UPS and cut off all other communication. Its gotten so bad that I think about saying No if he asks just so he can feel the embarrassment and hurt hes putting me through. I know the second sounds harsh, but it could be the truth. Ive heard that white people all tend to look the same to some ethnicities as well. In fact, you can tell them that you separated because you didnt agree about certain things, and because of the ongoing disagreement there is still a lot of residual anger between you. Or, Theyre your problem now (insert fun emoji here). I guess Ill have to tell this to my future children. What a reverse in roles, considering your ex-boyfriend was probably the one who broke up with you. Hes an ex-boyfriend of 6 months, not your parent, not a sibling, and not someone you are co-parenting a child with. Depending on whom your ex is talking to and what they are saying, you can pick your course of action accordingly. You are seeing a completely different side to this guy that he didnt want to give you so now your feeling like duh..what the h*ll? It is completely normal. By flaunting his new relationship, your ex could be trying to make you jealous and feel bad about yourself. People have act different in different relationships. Dont date racists. You then wish the jerk well and hang up, never hearing about how wonderful his new girlfriend is, because why would you want to hear about him, much less her, if the relationship was so awful and unhealthy to begin with? Often, an ex will want to have a girl on the side because of any number of reasons. Is his attachment to her because he is in a new town with no friends to compete for his attention? My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. All of a sudden, youre in contact with this person who is literally dating your ex. In this situation there are two options. What would make him change his mindset in such a short amount of time? A breakup doesn't mean that everything ceases to exist between you (and I'm not just talking on an emotional level.) I would also think of all the negative things from the relationship and be happy that he is not your problem anymore. Perhaps you knew your ex was seeing someone, but you still didnt think this person would ever contact you directly. Much better than my rambling response! Maybe he was doing it to get her attention? 21 Signs Your Ex Is Not Over You and Still Loves You 1. Female dogs are more often involved in household fights with other dogs than are males. I could go on and on about her (and I do, frequently), but that isnt the point. Like he is now? But seriously, if you want to be a mature adult about it (I dont always take that roadimmaturity can be so fun) be civil and polite, give him a few minutes to gather his things and let it be the final time he walks out of your life (and dont you dare let him walk back in!). Definitely got something going on. After all, receiving a text like this puts your mind immediately back in the past, and it might even stir up some buried emotions related to your breakup. Take the high road and choose to ignore or block them to stop the negativity. Also,it just goes to show his immaturity level. What more is there to say? 1. Hopefully she, and you, will be able to be your own champion and take back the narrative of your life. This was 8 years ago. 3) hes lonely. If you are in the same room with them, do not engage in eye . Try to get a dialogue going with them and talk about anything you feel uncomfortable about. It's the same thing your ex is trying to do by cutting all communication with you. He is probably telling his black gf that he hated dating white girls lol. She wants him back, and she is making a play for him. He might try to make a big deal about how happy he is. However, if your ex reveals personal material that was supposed to be kept private but is truly offensive and can be verified, the better choice may be to take ownership of it immediately. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. This form of attention is brought to the narcissist by a new supply which is a girlfriend or boyfriend. What matters is that you stay the hell away from him, move on, and try your best to not give this creep anymore energy. A correlational study suggests people who ruminate over things that make them angry score higher in trait anger over time. Now that they are no longer trying to please you or make things work between you, they might feel they have license to say anything they want. Do a google search for it, or talk to any man over the age of 40. Yet the guy was planning on moving to another state to be with her. b. there are worse things than her daughter dating a black person (like, maybe, an abusive man) and c. maybe if she met said hypothetical boyfriend she might like him. I think it was all to rise me. Its completely understandable to be a little uneasy, even if you and your ex are still on good terms. what to do if your exs new partner texts you, cut off contact with people close to your ex. Because hes an immature head case. Find answers to all these questions and more. Maybe he just threw the racist stuff in to throw her off the tracks! On the other hand, he might just be TELLING you these things, they might not be true, just to make you feel jealous and he is acting like an immature child in this case. Use disarming statements. CNN . Sometimes people who havent yet/arent capable of forming their own opinions take someone elses as their own. 342. 1- He treated you horribly in your relationship; him not letting you sleep over and making you beg to hang out with him are not ok behaviors. I agree. My grandma who passed away last March at 90 was absolutely the sweetest woman in the world. In other words, you can encourage your children to put their own boundaries in place by either talking to the parent who is saying the disturbing things or by choosing to not listen or to ignore what is being said. If youre happy being in contact with their new partner, thats great but its also smart to set healthy boundaries. He clearly hasnt fully gotten over you & is trying to stick it to you by setting up a reason to meet with you & then telling you how wonderful his new life is without you, when you never even asked. This is normally a widely understood red flag in a relationship, I mainly posted it as a reminder. Youre giving him exactly what he wants by spending even 5 seconds thinking about this. Can an Affair Ever Be Good for Your Marriage? I told him that i was happy for him but once a scummer always a scummer so leave me alone and i really dont care. Although I know it can be incredibly difficult, do not let your ex see you squirm. Sometimes when i think of him i feel sick, in the end it was humiliating, our dates were a shag in his car up the hills then wed argue before he left. Meet him, give him his stuff and leave immediately after and have nothing more to do with him. While my car was getting worked on, we went to dinner. Maybe hes clicking a different way with his new girl. That said, Ive seen this pattern many many times with men in particular where they exit one relationship where they couldnt commit only to go running headlong into commitment with the next person. Advertisement Hi, hello, what is going on here? I am getting bitter and Im worried hes leading me on because of what I did to him at 18. Dont waste another second worrying about why hes trying so hard to prove to you how happy he is. Women reach out to their ex-boyfriends from 10, 20, or even 30 years ago! I dont want to date him again, but part of me wonders where this nice, attentive guy was when we were dating. And if that means ignoring a text from their new partner, or crafting a gentle but firm response that youd rather not keep in touch, so be it. We found out we had a lot in common, but we never were intimate because he claimed he had a girlfriend who lived in another state whom he had been dating for the past four years. And dumped me . He has stopped greeting me when he walks into the house, and if I walk out of my room and theyre in the kitchen, I will talk to my roommate while the boyfriend and I will act like the other one isnt even there. Talk about boundaries . Also, have you ever considered that you might have a mild case of prosopagnosia? I am very angry with the whole situation because, even though he told me he didnt want to commit to me, he still was pursuing me like he wanted to be with me. If the people your ex is badmouthing you to are your children, if they are old enough you can explain that just because people are saying things, doesnt make them true. Well when he realized it wasnt getting to me he started to leave me alone and back off. He really doesnt deserve it, and you, dear LW, deserve much, much better. Im writing because I adore and respect this man and am mostly happy with the way things are between us. Lessons learned. If your depiction of him is accurate, this man is unstable and not someone that any good, intelligent person would want to be in a relationship with. Forms of Emotional and Verbal Abuse You May Be Overlooking, 5 Ways to Deal With Someone Who's Always Looking for a Fight. I really like this.. its definitely a new perspective I wouldnt have thought of. Not only does your conscience kick in, but you arent interested in dragging your loved one into such petty shit. To this day he does not have girlfriends. All the rationalizing and attempted compartmentalizing in the world and the attitudes in the last paragraph of the letter would still be not just a hideously ugly red flag, but an absolute, unconditional deal breaker. But nothing can prepare you for what to do if your exs new partner texts you out of the blue. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. You cant and shouldnt want to pick apart and understand the reason for his many ridiculous behaviors. He even started admitting to our friends that he liked me, and all of them thought we were dating. Basically, it may just be how your brain works. I kicked his ass out and told him not to contact me ever again. by Dan Savage August 30th, 2017 My brother just broke up with his girlfriend for the second time in eight months. Just like my computer that randomly posts my comments without letting me finish. Read More Your Turn: How Long Should I Wait For a ProposalContinue. This guy is clearly an asshole: he didnt treat you well, hes trying to make you jealous by telling you how perfect his new relationship is, and he is/was racist. All I can say is, this new girlfriend is probably going to be writing in to DW about her crazy ex in a few months, too. MOA means actually moving beyond wasting your life worrying about what your ex is doing. If you still hold a grudge for what happened between the two of you, if you talk more about past arguments and issues than nice and bonding experiences you shared, maybe it's not worth it. Whenever someone is truly, genuinely happy in a relationship, they never brag about it, because that true, genuine happiness makes them just too content to worry about proving anything. The city was fiercely contested for months before being taken by Russian-backed forces. Back then, racial diversity was zero. I thought about it some more and realized that I was jealous of the puppy love thing, of him thinking she was the sexiest, coolest, most fab woman ever. matched that of the person she was with at that moment. What I want, however, is what I, incredibly, have the sustainability of having free, creative, out-of-bounds sex with the most beautiful man Ive ever met and the only one to whom Im attracted. My husband is awful to me and I dont understand why, Did My Partner Emotionally Cheat On Me?, I Dont Want to Have Sex with My Girlfriend Anymore, Should I Tell My Boyfriend I Kissed Someone While Drunk?, I Want a Baby but My Husband Wants to Wait. I wanted to prove that I was, indeed, responsible. Yet she lived in a city with a fair amount of racial tension, and I can still remember her remarking, when a black family moved in next door, that they were so *nice* and how *genteel* they were, that she wouldnt even mind if one of her granddaughters were to date a nice, clean, presentable black man like that, etc. You can text something like, Ive closed that chapter of my life and have moved on, so would appreciate it if you dont text me anymore as I dont want to be involved. Its immature at best. Your Turn: Why Is My Ex Bragging About His New Girlfriend?, Your Turn: How Long Should I Wait For a Proposal, Your Turn: WHY Doesnt He Want a Relationship When its Obvious He Really, Really Likes Me? I was thinking the samething. If its best for your mental health to cut off contact with people close to your ex, you should feel free to do so without guilt or regret. You might want to check your own moral compass and/or sense of self-worth, to be so hung up on some douche like this. '," she suggests. An ex is an ex for a reason, and your best plan for healing is to put the past behind you and start to look forward. Why are you wasting your time on him? My advice would be to move on. We fight constantly, and it always has something to do with his friends. One of the signals given off when your ex wants you back: asking about your dating situation. I think regardless of why hes doing this, the LW should be glad shes done with him and continue to be done with him! After a while, I stopped giving him the reaction he was expecting (well, I started to get used to it), so he lost interest. This was going to be my second kid and he had already alienated my family from me. If you give him the reaction he wants, itll be an ego boost for him. You can let people know it is something you will never do again, and that this can be a lesson learned that may serve as an example and be an inspiration to others. I was angry that he gloated but i thought if you want to behave like a man child, mammys boy then thats you, not me. About to turn 34. There was no love. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. I have told him several times how it makes me feel, and he tells me hes going to marry me but I need to stop talking about it. Your guy is dating this woman and bragging to you for a few reasons. Now, the best advice I can give you especially if you see your ex has a new girlfriend is to be strong and confident. When others laugh in response to one's anger and pain, it can be confusing and hurtful, leading to strained or even severed relationships.