my husband's ex wife wants him back

Did you like our article? Lori Gottlieb Dear Therapist: I Won't Marry Someone With a Mountain of Debt Lori Gottlieb Family Dear Therapist: I'm Dating a Divorced Man With Kids, and It's Harder Than I Thought His. sees all of that that's why you're still together. You need to be so much more patient to remove this emotion. The other women Ive been with are good but theres always a feeling of something missing. Whether its actual text messages, Instagram likes, desperate phone calls, or long and dramatic emails, she could be trying to reach out to him again. This can be why she wants your husband back. Determine exactly how often the ex-Mrs. rings your doorbell, calls, texts or emails. She could send you accidental texts saying things like leave me alone or itll never work out between us. Before me he only had one long term girlfriend, he was madly in love with her, but she was extremely abusive to him. If theyve got a good thing going with their current partner, having them under their thumb the whole time, why would they end relationships? If his ex make her presence known only once a month, or even once a week, consider that your dilemma might have more to do with your feelings toward her than her behavior. Like weve already gone over, this could prove to be a big hurdle for you if youre willing to try how do you persuade someone whos a superhero in their head that theyre not a superhero and they need to give up their powers? Daily contact should be the exception -- perhaps when a problem arises -- but not the norm, notes Christie Harman Ph.D., author and relationship expert. The last thing you want is speak before you've had time to really think, and accidentally drive an otherwise civil exchange into some highly emotionally charged territory. If you were to try and understand why she thinks that way, it could be because thats how she protects herself; all sorts of criticism, even if theyre constructive, are perceived as threatsto her. Just to be clear, Im absolutely nothing like her, and were in a very healthy relationship now. This is his wife were talking about; hes too close to the situation and might lose sight of whats important to the two of you. Continue with Recommended Cookies. For more information, please see our If you're solid and you want to make it work, you know that all the other stuff even clingy exes is just white noise compared to what you have together. He wants to go, so I dont think the right thing would be to tell him not to. and our This could even explain why shes acting out towards the two of you. Dealing with this situation is tough on everyone, but make sure that you find ways to cope on your own. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Avoid any places youre likely to bump into her. People had more contact if they had feelings for the ex, had amicable breakups, or were not. Then suddenly, our husband or ex-husband says he want to come back home. Shes always available when he needs to talk or wants to hang out. This post will discuss ten tips for dealing with an ex-wife who wants her husband back! It could be instances like her outright saying tell me Im pretty or, more subtly, fishing for compliments when she wore an outfit she knew looked good on her. Shes hoping to manipulate you and your husband into thinking that somethings wrong with your relationship (that is, apart from the problem that is her). Itll be difficult to act like these things dont bother you, but its necessary for showing her that shes not getting to you. During the early years of marriage, a woman tends to be the emotional caretaker of her relationship. They can provide you with professional guidance and support. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Pairing them with sadistic tendencies, theyre physically or emotionally dangerous to those around them. 1. Its important to have boundaries with a narcissistic ex. Being humans and all, we all struggle with jealousy sometimes. 10 min. by You'll only stress yourself out, and potentially let your emotions about that ex leak into other areas of your life. Depending on who ended things, your partner may still have some lingering feelings for their ex, or vice versa. Try the six tips below. That kind of tie cant be severed just becausehe wants it to be. Co-parenting doesn't end with divorce, so if your husband has kids with his ex, this puts a different spin on the situation. I hold a Bachelor of Laws (LL.B) from UoL. Late calls has even contacted me lying about him in hopes to have me end things with him. Howdo you get your husbands narcissistic ex-wife to leave the two of you alone? After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Theyll demand it and find ways to regain it if its lost. Focus on constructively supporting your family and set a positive tone for it. I listened to her but i didnt really say much and she left back for her parents house. In this article, well help you understand why your husbands narcissistic ex-wife wants him back and what you can do about it. She cheated on him all the time with pretty much everybody. Privacy Policy. If you have something to go back to and ground yourself to, itll be easier not to let yourself get carried away by emotion. Explore Your Options Today Secret or not, maintaining contact with a former lover dilutes or takes energy and focus away from the present relationship. Privacy Policy. Either way, she blocks out negative feedback about herself as much as possible. Head of the editorial team. Let him know if you feel like she's crossing the line and using the kids as a way to stay involved in his life. Pretty much everyone who has ever had a romantic relationship has dealt with these questions at some point. Is she playing the damsel in distress to get his attention and concern again? Narcissists feel like how they want things to happen should happen not because of some effort to get there on their part, but because they believe that its inherent in them to get what they want. If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach. When talking to her, be polite but firm. Has she ever been cold and indifferent one minute and then warm and kind another, particularly when she wants something? Answer (1 of 15): Nope, let him work it out! We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. According to Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., there are two kinds of narcissists. 3 years ago, my wife was planning on cheating with me with another man. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope. He was married to her at one point and must have deeply cared for her. She tries to look her best whenever she knows hell be around. This could be a ploy to suck your husband back into their old patterns; if she acts like nothing happened and stays the way she was when they were married, she hopes he might fall back into their usual toxic dance and right into her not-so-loving arms. Her thoughtless and irrational actions will have real repercussions, and shell do anything to pin the blame on anyone but her. You'll have to accept that there needs to be a certain amount of communication between them regarding the children. Block her on all social media accounts and phone numbers. If your partner is still talking to their ex because theyre trying to remain friends, thats probably okay. You fear your partner's ex is plotting to get back together (and will succeed). But, she was gone again by February. Triangulationhappens when someone pits two people against each other by aggravating the two people to the point where conflict springs up and the narcissist feels in control of the situation. Now that theyre divorced and hes remarried, she pops up in your lives often because she hated losing controlof the situation (and your husband, along with their kids). We divorced and she ended up leaving for the other man. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. Just imagine his feelings. You've got a lot of good stuff too, and your S.O. If they weren't interested, they'd be making sure to make that clear by ensuring there was no physical contact between you at all. As always with narcissists, most of the time that isnt the case and shes thinking only of her benefit. Alexandra Plesa Did she accidentally send him a message meant for her new partner? If you come across as too aggressive, it will only push your husband away and make the situation worse. Just keep calm and be patient. Things have been great for now, we get along pretty well, and I really dont have anything to complain about him. I know this is not what you want to hear at first, but the best way to address a challenge is by exploring all root causes. Shes calling again, and youre at your wits end. People who have been deeply hurtmay not be comfortable opening up to people, so dont take it too personally if he has trouble communicating with you sometimes. Remember: you never have to deal with this alone. Dont give in; its only going to cause problems in your family if you believe her fantasies. If their mother said that you have anger issues and you unintentionally look like you do, theyll be more likely to believe her and everything else that she says. She was married to him, so she knows him by now. Now, they rarely see them in the same room together and their father has married somebody else. She always treated him poorly and talked bad things about him behind his back. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You might also point out that he should give his ex the name of a good plumber so she doesn't have to call him every time her drain gets clogged. They Will Use You as an Excuse for Their Own Bad Behavior. And when it comes to parenting the kids, she could aggressively disagree with the way youre handling them as the biological mother knows best. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Im not saying this based on the things he told me, Im saying this based on the things Ive seen happening, because I already knew both of them when they were together. Like you, they've got past relationships to reckon with.