Visit a church and talk to a pastor (you dont have to be a member), trust cautiously. I gotta say, I have found few things as satisfying as putting one of these assholes in a state of complete and total dispair. He was very controlling and became very verbally abusive. He had a wife who was not nice he says ? I feel so bad about myself. I had the same problem until it became too much and I emailed everyone and gave them a piece of my mind. when i found love, had my baby and now am getting married she verbally attacks me, accusing me of wrong doing that i had no hand in at all. Googling awesome put downs. I guess a lot of people experience this type of thing. He told me that kind of response is not helping us at all. I believe it now but I dont understand what I ever did wrong. Assertiveness: Effective expression of needs, boundaries, ideas, and opinions. Dont get caught up in the yelling and blaming as you wont be heard. You need to set out some expectations around the kind of home you want to build and the behaviour you expect. You can change your situation. Good Luck to you, I hope things are working in your favor. I found out again about the same woman. Another 5 years? I decided to file for divorce, which he did not want, I could not live that kind of life anymore. Cause and effect M. Everything is not your fault. She stil does it to me though. Im sick of it. I think you all probably know that I cant wave a wand and fix things for you. I cant tell you what to do Jenna. My fianc can be so great but when he gets mad he says such mean hurtful hateful things. First of all, you dont need to keep on hurting. I just dont want to be his friend anymore. Maybe there is something wrong with the way I look, talk, and act, but I cant believe that my friend insults me constantly. You have a wonderful heart, and a whole future ahead of you where richness and ease can be parts of your experience. He is an alcoholic and relapses every couple months. But your willingness to forgive and let go will lift your spirit and restore your confidence in yourself and others. They are always making fun of me all day everyday and in front of people as well ,the worst part is that the other people join in. This time I almost succeeded. I cant be myself because again, I am a loner, and no one wants to be friends with a loner. Dont let your sister walk all over you. I hope things have improved for you. While still maintaining a job a everything my children needed. When triggers or tricky days happen its reassuring to know you have a safe place to go and confide in a real person. But i go back, thinking that itll be different. Your husband is totally manipulating, controlling, brow beating, and abusing you. Potentially concerning. According to him no amount of therapy will save me. How easy it was to feel like I was stupid. Please remember that youre not responsible for what happened to your husband, or for how your son and daughters deal with it. she is 85 and I am her only child. Im a loving and caring person and it kills me inside to stay with such a monster and someone who mistreats me. Every time I try to make new friends being myself, I get shunned, insulted and put down. I also get problems with trash talking if guys fancy me and I dont fancy them back. It can be all too tempting to retort with a quick comeback, or your own mean words to bring them down. The meaning of PUT-DOWN is an act or instance of putting down; especially : a humiliating remark. I keep saying once I find another job and make more money then hell think better of me. If that is not your style then confront the b*%&# directly and respectfully tell her its not cool, leaving the situation as a last resort. Never in my wildest dreams did i think if end up here. With the kids ages, of course he isnt abusing them yet. Help? Do you think If I just get through the next few minutes it will be okay again? It also diffuses the tension. I realized that I was responsible for my life and providing the best I could for my daughter. He continues to put me down, everytime he asks me to improve something about myself, it still isnt good enough. Im lucky that I believe in God. Work to get yourself removed from the mortgage. Nothing like hearing Your opinion isnt worth the price of a small cup of coffee, or You have more excuses than Carter has liver pills, You cant do that because you arent good enough, I dont want to hear your thoughts because they are always stupid, You cant do it Those are just a tiny fraction of the things I hear daily. I can not have any female friends. There are a couple people in my life take great pride in belittling me daily & my fear is that I wont overcome this and it is starting to affect the way I react to others. you are not the sum of ppls opinions of you. What do i do? I wish I could just get out. Im trying to come to terms with this concept and have to fight with myself to not automatically assume that my feelings for another person are unwelcome unless that person has some flaw to want me. So sorry to hear that Denise. Over time, you actually begin to feel genuine confidence as a result and it becomes a loop. I hope this gives you some strength, and maybe you could also have a look at personality disorders as a starting point, it may turn out that this is not the case but its worth a try. I want to fix this, I want calm, but it continues to eat at me. Totally ignore them. Positive attracts positive. ! He always tried to lift me up when I was down. Sucking his thump laughing if we have a problem, refusing to talk about any issues, hiding his phone, putting passwords on everything, accusing me of other men, etc. Work, save, use some of the money for counseling (therapy) so you can heal and get your head straight and see things from a healthier perspective. I married young and divorced about almost 8 years. Thats great to hear that youre seeking help. You deserve way better than this. There is not real respect, authenticity, desire for your greater good, etc. ask yourself if this is what you want for the rest of your life someone who pulls you down instead of holds you up. Please log in again. I know that if i stay i wont ever be myself again. Not anymore! Hey, I came on to this site as I am trying to grow as an individual but I was questioning weather this is possible as I am with someone who puts me down and seems to get great confidence in making me feel small. Keep encouraging yourself and throw other peoples junk in the trash BOOM! i m vivek i m feed up of my friends becoz they are trying to change my behaviour for the wrong thing i have not after three mistake when i m wrong they tell me you r wrong i agreed but somtimes not everytime i have noticed they are wrong and when i tell them their mistake they dont deserve their they refuse it,.and tell that now also u r wrong.and they agree with my truth i m having some personal problems inspite of giving solution they tease me u will never change u will leave behing i m feed up of all this when i tell my personal experence about how some people hurt me then also they tell that u r only wrong u r only havong problems sayong that no friends will join u..everytime they discourage me and underestimatebuti know when i m wrong. My path back to self-confidence meant forgiving the person who made the careless and hurtful remark to me. I wish you well and want to say that we dont ever lose friends, we just find out who the real ones are. hate and anger grow inside me and i feel sad and drained all day everyday until next month when we repeat the process again. As I see it this is the whole problem with humans. Thirty years?! Perhaps, what hurts most is the fear that they might, after all, be right. Do you think Oh no, I hate this, I need to not say or do anything? Thanks so much for stopping by. We are not supporting complimenting respecting being objective caring being responsible for our own actions. I cook scratch meals and share my deepest secrets. P.s they dont make fun of their other friends just me . I just got out of a bad relationship and I am fighting depression from three years. I spent the best part of my life trying to understand and please her, but then at 35 I realized I would never get her approval because she didnt want me to have anything and viewed me as a threat not a daughter. Choose to marvel at the good we do, and were mighty indeed. You deserve better. No! Updated 6/19/2020 Shutterstock If you're like me, you often come across as confident, but inside you're far from it. Its funny when I hear him talking business on the phone, hes so polite and humble. Thank God I have those friends and they stuck with me through those undeserving times. I literally felt like I was crumbling inside today, I went from ok to a mess with one criticism its got that bad. In a mean time I have started our family business, we invested a lot in, and signed our home as a collateral, and I have no income of my own. When I asked him what that meant, he said my brain is. Well, I am 33y old, married for 13 years already, and have three wonderful children. everytime im near her she would always say how other people are better than me and keeps going on about how bad am i. i thought it would be better if i tell her how i feel about this family life and its behavior, but even after i told her she still doesnt care. I so appreciate the honesty of your story, mother of three. If youre struggling with difficult emotions after a put-down, acknowledge the feelings. calls me F***en b***h, C**t, stupid. I was hurt, and I was angry, mostly mad at myself for not seeing what was going on around me. I am 32 years old and I didnt know adult s would bully me. What do you think is stopping you from standing up for yourself at work? I just say oh sorry or say ok. But they are the problem, not you. i have received critism from my colleagues some are whispered into each other ears and others say whateva aloud. I was constantly being told I needed to change, I wasnt loving, ect. Thank you for the reassurance in the message. I sit here and wonder what I am doing here, if I am not a important part of his life anymore. I love that you feel as though youre not alone, and youre not. Im worn out. Practice self-compassion. Good for you! I understand the fragile nature of life and it hurts me to not talk to her in some way, but after the way she talks to me for the most childish reasons I mean really horrible mean things. Just wanted to went. Does your friend mean it? Stop my hard work by shutting figuritive doors in my face out of sheer dislike of me. Thank you. I dont know if he is just showing off and spreading rumors, or if there really is something wrong with me. My fiance and i have been together for 6 years. Its perhaps the toughest thing youll ever do. Miserable people love to have company. Its always about them. Distance yourself from the abuse. One that makes you feel alive and whole rather than small and crushed. Having been raised to believe family is first, this went a long way to destroying my life. I focused on myself and my child. Then the next time I was with her and another friend of hers, she again began subtly putting me down and I pulled her up on it. 1) Take a deep breath. Anyway, I wrote back two lines simply saying I wanted nothing more to do with any of them. He always brings up breaking up when I feel happy or confident and tells me that it doesnt matter that I helped him financially. Since Im just no good. You ask how she is and say you are doing well. Youre right on the money when you say completely self un-aware often the people who dish this out dont know the full impact of what theyre doing, let alone why. I do all the domestic things work and pay half the bills but he says Im irresponsible and that Im just a drunk even tho I drink once a week. For a long time I kept the blinders on. Do something great with your life. Hes cheated on me in the past and when I found I was angry and heartbroken. Ive got very little self-esteem left and part of me feels like such a loser that I cant make it on my own. Then he swears anf yells and makes it a point to say, nobodys been watching him. Anyway, it sounds like there are some aggressive people in your family. I have also gone through something similar. I loved this human flaw despite the constant blows to my ego and moms self respect. The crazy thing is, that its often the people closest to us who dont want us to grow or change. It made it worse, but I am trying to find the courage to continue to address it when it comes up. Bore him into inactivity. Youre allowed to find support to help you be consistent, youre allowed to have a shoulder to cry on when its hard and youre allowed to find help in doing what you know is the best thing to do. You cant change him, and its not your job to fix him. The brain will create thinking that supports a causal link between put-down behaviour and enhancing status, and once thats in place itll use what it knows to achieve status by reducing someone elses. I have always had insecurities, from when I can remember. Hey Kevin, youre right. I just found this site looking for some information about being belittle. I keep getting put down online by my former friend at its becoming too much. How you still might feel when everythings quiet? i have heard a lot of people talk about me saying negative critics and one time i cried about it. If your husband threatens your life, leave anyway, as safely as possible. Allow your feelings. Hopefully I can put my foot forward and state my feelings without worrying about the consequences which would be another pout-down. What is kind of ironic is that it was a church and I had not one drop of support from anyone, including my friend. And if those people see how you react and decide to change great if they dont decide to change then thats your cue to leave basically. I come home and sleep. People sometimes say silly things (I know I do) and taking everything personally is going to turn you into an anxious, paranoid wreck. I am going to the gym and trying to cheer myself up but it usually lasts for only an hour or two. He accused me of everything under the sun. It is so hard when people hurt us and then offer no apology or remorse. Today my sister insulted me by taking a video of mine and calling me a wild beast and a an angel turned into a monster. After he died a few years later I went kind of crazy and got involved with drugs. Except me, I do still have a younger sister and a younger brother, but my father never say anything to them although he dissatisfy in the works they have done. I finally realized after 30 years of marriage that I would never be good enough but that had nothing to do with me. Being the vengeful little shit that I am, I should draw more joy from these developments, but quite frankly, I stopped caring about the result. Boy doe is she ever and always ready to insult, put down, etc. And he never says i am sorry. Donna, But about mid-way through I had to give upI just couldnt make the tuition. We are all different, we all have different life experiences, we all dont know what each individual is going through unless they told us. My partner puts me down and says i cant take a joke I fell in love with him after 14 years single so know myself and my own highs and lows.. I made it a cute little home, we have everything we need. It just meant that I chose to stop holding on to my negative feelings toward her and let them pass through me. And ever since I was little she was always an asshole to me. Ive been struggling with social anxiety for a very long time now, but its getting worse all the time. Youre right, that a put-down is given because of where the person who gives is at, not the receiver. This happens to all kinds of people from all walks of life, with the only common thread being how hurtful and damaging it is, plus the fact that its unacceptable. How to Be a Confidant. But, I still try to make friends at school because I am extremely depressed being all alone, all of the time. Thanks for the comment Darla, and I really feel for you. I thought I was finally getting myself better, but when I came back from going out (always by myself), dont have alot of friends, I was out alittle late. I should be flattered, but she should be happy for me, not bring me down because she is jealous of what I have. I believe in you. I have worked hard to accomplish certain feats and they are extremely jealous. It breaks my heart but she is killing any little bit of confidence i have. I even went back to College and received my Associates Degree and made Honor Roll, once I graduated, things started to change. I cant really stand with my fathers bad temper, especially he likes to yell at me over minor stufffs, like my handwriting is not good, my computer skills are totally zero although I have been to Malaysia to take an IT course for about two years and so on. Whenyouvedone what you can and theyre still putting you down, you need to consider 2 questions How else can I turn this around? and What am I prepared to do to turn things around?. Insist on an explanation, wear them down. I do plan to move out next month. The next day he came into the office and decide to greet me for the 3rd time in 4 months and i didnt accept her handshake. In other words, you can brainwash yourself to get the confidence you want! I was severely bullied as a kid for my over bite, by one particular kid. I have been with him for six years and we have two lovely amazing children, he is always to busy for us but when he is around which is very rarely he always puts me down as a mother as well as a woman. I was marred to a man for 32 years until I found out he was seeing 5 women and had 4 cell plans. But I have to do something different. What kind of home do you want to raise your daughter in? Your sister is the bully/ bossy one who wants to be on top. This is BIG.. so bigand now there are so many. She would constantly put me down and try to get make me feel left out so she could be the one, or whatever she thinks. but it starts with a choice that only you can make. I have a 24 year old daughter and a 39 year old daughtet who constantly tells me what a rotten job I did as a mother and that they and their siblings should of been taken away from me. No, she is not your best friend or a good friend. I also like to put humor on it, and see them with their own mud on their faces, when their negative voices creep into my head. This cannot be tolerated in a modern place of work. 4. It crazy I am a military spouse we have been gone from our hometown for 11 yrs and every time we go to my familys house they all sit around and tell me I am the problem. In reality, thats if other things are normal in the abnormal family of origin if the smiler target is physically healthy, if another manager hasnt married in, if siblings and others have not yet changed love into despise (in the name of honoring and protecting another sibling) and if ONE is empathic enough to feel for the target, to LOOK into allegations instead of jumping in. Hes a college drop out and I tell him how intelligent he is everyday smh what should I do? Be prepared. Regardless of the reason why they do it, one should know that you've done nothing wrong, and . I always let my children know how much I loved them and my husband never abused my children only me. Thank GOD. I am so tired of trying to be a better person when he constantly knocks me down with his words. Tell them you want respect and dont see your mother every day. It is sad. We all have those thoughts in our heads that were not good enough or dont deserve good things, and with those thoughts in play we can either seek comfort by closing down or attacking. Help. Laura, He may have that capacity, but right now hes not demonstrating it. As I tried to deny the emotions I was feeling, they grew stronger and began to manifest in unexpected and destructive ways. I told him the libraries are full of speeches like that and instructions, but please welcome and take a load of me and do it better if you already know how and especially since I am doing it so bad. Unaccepted or unacknowledged pain is the foundation for anger and bitterness. Takeaway. Calls me a hypocrite for sending him these things. I work 11pm-7am as a nurse. Its really helped me understand why she was like she was and has also taken some of the burden of the abuse away. That is getting harder, sometimes I just wish I could be on my own without anyone to point out all my endless faults. Is this what you want your children to think is right? But they have all As. My life feels on hold as my confidence is at an all time low. Im tired of being told that the housework or yard work isnt good enough. She is 87. Id get out of there for your own sake and his. I feel so alone and just pretty much like I am losing my mind. There is no loyalty at all in my family or bonds or trust, the family is completely broken, Im the biggest target because Ive worked hard to improve my life and have in some respects succeeded. I am So down about myself how can i get stronge to get my self back up again. Everytime i try to talk to my friends she says shut up bitch you stupid as hell etc. Be brave, and do it for yourself. I dont know you guys, and only know what youve told me here, but it sounds like your boyfriend is hurting. And the worst part is that he also started putting me down all the time. It helps if you have a support group like Alanon or a church. Let start off by saying the person I am today is totally different from the person I was before and Ive made a lot of bad choices. We just had a cousin of his visit and she treated me as though I was invisible. This friend is in exactly the situation you describe. Easy to say, usually easy enough to do. Last week they told me just get used to it because they will always make fun of me. Two years ago, I met my current fianceI love him a lot. The reason why I am sharing my story with you today is not for any poor me trip but to show that if Nothing changes, Nothing changes. We exhaust ourselves by constantly trying to measure up to implicit or explicit standards and expectations. Ive distance myself And its gotten worse with him. Oh did you know that you have a triple chin when you look down? Even worse they say nothing about the wrong they did and leave us alone to fester in frustration. You should draw the line with your mother very quickly, that she is only allowed to say nice things to you or she isnt allowed to say anything. I was already desensitised to love with pain, wasnt I? Can anyone give me advice, please!?? I was so happy when we got together felt like everything would be perfect. It hurts because these people are not strangers but your own family members and friends. Seem interested and accommodating to the other person's ideas and back them up with yours, all the more intelligently. Show your composure with 'cooling breath' (a reverse breath in which you breathe in through your mouth as if you are sipping through a straw, then breathe out through your nose). And I suspect that your stepdad is simply trying to bond with you and is using humour as a way of doing that, no matter how ill-advised it might seem. And the fact my boyfriend has gained a lot of weight (80 lbs) and he wants me to lose weight. 4 years ago I came out of 20 year abusive relationship, and it still tends to get in the way. Try one of the following: Thank you for your opinion A response which will throw most criticizers off is to simply say, "Thank you for your opinion" and then just leave it at that.
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